Failure Isn't Falling, It's Silence

She writes to rise, not retreat.

Mar 11, 2025

She's been a youth pastor, a stay-at-home mom dreaming and navigating the chaos of adolescence, and now a writer bravely charting the unpredictable waters of faith. But who is she, really?

What drives her to lay bare her soul on Substack, to risk the sting of rejection, and to invite us into the sacred space of spiritual growth?

Forget the polished facades; this is a conversation with a woman who dares to be vulnerable, who admits to "wandering in the desert," and who believes that true courage lies in swimming toward the shark of judgment.

Join me in exploring the raw honesty behind her words and the unwavering hope that fuels her quest for connection.

Prepare to be inspired, challenged, and perhaps even a little changed.

Meet

Yolanda E. S. Miller

Q: Tell us a little bit about your background

When I was younger, I wanted to be: a ballerina, florist, marine biologist, jazz drummer, tour guide/cruise director, something in film/television (perhaps a screenwriter), and a mom.

I only managed the last one. Prior to that, I ended up becoming a youth pastor (that’s kinda like working in the entertainment industry, isn’t it? 😆).

For reasons that are too long to go into here, when my kids got older, I couldn’t return to youth ministry.

After several years of wandering in the desert of liminal space, I followed my personal breadcrumb trail that led me to spiritual formation work, which is the only occupation that has ever made me a better person, not a worse one.

Q: Beyond the act of hitting "publish," what's the most courageous thing you've done as a writer on Substack?

Perhaps it’s writing about faith and God through my particular Christian lens. For starters, there’s a lot of folks who will automatically tune out as soon as they discover I’m speaking from a Christian worldview. So I’m already cutting myself off at the legs as soon as I open my mouth.

But then you throw in the fact that I am in a weird position on the spectrum of US American Christianity: I am too liberal for most conservatives and too conservative for most liberals. So even though my desire is to walk a path that unifies followers of Jesus by focusing on the essential tenets of the Christian faith, I tend to piss off both sides because I’m not picking their side.

It’s the irony and importance of all centrist positions, I suppose. But the ever-present likelihood of rejection from multiple camps requires courage.

Q: Many people dream of writing but fear judgment or failure. What advice would you give to those who are hesitant to share their voice on Substack?

Well, first I’d ask, how do you define failure? Because, arguably, NOT WRITING could certainly be considered a failure. You’re definitely going to fail…everyone does! It’s just a matter of how you’re going to fail and I choose to fail by writing, not not writing.

Then I’d also say, yes, you’re definitely going to be judged at some point, perhaps even immediately. Take those judgments, see if there’s any nugget of truth in them that can help you improve (be sure to consider the source), and toss the rest as someone who’s having a bad day. If you’re really courageous, you could even consider it free coaching for your writing.

Essentially, embrace judgment or failure. “Swim toward the shark,” as John Ortberg shared. By that, I don’t mean cling to it, but don’t run from it. Acknowledge it, milk it for the wisdom it can bless you with, and then let it swim away.

Q: In your opinion, what's the most courageous thing a reader can do after engaging with your work?

Well, if they’re in a place of rejecting or holding God at arm’s length, particularly because of what other people have said to them about, or on behalf of, God, I think it would be cracking the door of their heart a bit and saying, “OK, I’d like to give you a chance, God; I’d like to give you a chance to speak for yourself, rather than making assumptions about you based on what others have told me.”

If they’re already open to connecting with God, then it would be to, again, set aside the many voices in their head that may tell them they aren’t doing it right, aren’t doing enough or aren’t good enough to draw close to God. It would be allowing themselves to hear how much God loves their desire and efforts to connect and how much God loves to honor that desire.

Q: Vulnerability is often a key component of courage. How do you balance being vulnerable with maintaining healthy boundaries as a writer in such a public space?

Oh, man! As a former youth pastor and a pastor’s wife, this is an ongoing challenge, and not just in the realm of writing. I have screwed this up more times than I care to count. But each time, I’ve learned how to manage that balance a little better (I hope).

Currently, I’d say I have a few trusted people who are my “checks.” I know they love me and want the best for me, and I know that I can receive the truth from them even if it stings. When I write, I imagine what advice they’d give me about what I’m saying, and then if I’m still uncertain, I ask them in real life! Also, this is where that whole “look for the nugget of truth in criticism” thing can be helpful.

Q: Courage often involves taking risks. What's the biggest risk you've taken in sharing your writing or building your Substack community?

Since I’ve only been on Substack for a few months, I think I’m gearing up for my biggest risk. Honestly, I’ve been putting it off for years and I’m hoping the support I’ve found on Substack will help me muster up the courage to do it. So I’ll finally say it publicly, and maybe that will force me to take the plunge: I’d like to launch regular live spiritual practice groups.

That’s why my writing is free. I didn’t join Substack to make money off my writing, because honestly, how sustainable is it for the average person to keep shelling out $5/month to read someone’s writing? I can’t do it, so why would I expect others to?

But I am willing to pay for a regular community that holds me accountable to do things I struggle to do on my own, as I discuss below. That’s what I hope to offer people who are in the same boat as me–and hopefully we can sail off into the sunset together. If I can just get myself to build the boat!

Q: What advice would you give to someone who feels stuck or unfulfilled but is hesitant to take the leap and reinvent themselves?

Find someone to do it with. I never spend money on stuff like this, but I bit the bullet to join Substack Writers at Work and it was worth EVERY PENNY. I couldn’t have done Substack without the expertise of Sarah Fay and the support of that community…it was too overwhelming without having someone to guide me.

It doesn’t have to be a paid entity, but there’s truth to the African adage: "If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together." If you’re feeling stuck and unfulfilled, probably the only place you’re going to go fast on your own is down into a pit of overwhelm, paralysis, and self-condemnation. It takes someone on the outside to pull you up and out.

Q: If you could go back and tell your pre-Substack self one thing about the journey ahead, what would it be?

Temper your expectations–like, REALLY lower them! Recognize that you’re essentially starting a construction project, and like anyone who’s ever done a remodeling or construction project knows, it ALWAYS takes longer (and costs more money) than originally projected.

Then, drill down into why you want to do this and be very specific about your why and what you’d like to work towards. Then find your people in Substack to do it with. You’ll get there eventually (I think I’m telling my current Substack self this, haha).

Oh, and it’s a lot more work than you imagined…but it’s also a LOT more fun than you imagined!

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