Thank you for sharing this great reflection tool! I wasn't expecting to see anything, but I DID. It surprised me, and it's funny....I have felt this in my periphery a lot, but couldn't seem to touch it. This helped me touch it.
Dear Kim: thank you for your open share and I'm thrilled that you found something that surprised you! and that you are able to touch it! Keep rewriting it! Cheering you on, M
Magdalena, this is a very clear articulation of what occurs when a Prevention Focus takes the lead in one’s professional life.
In the STAR Framework, your experience of "vanishing" is a classic example of a Socialiser mindset being filtered through a perceived threat to Relatedness. Because Socialisers value collective harmony and "Social Truth", it is easy to fall into the trap of prioritising the group's comfort over your own Autonomy. By softening your words with "just" or "maybe", you were running a cautious code that made you invisible.
Your seven minute exercise is effective because it bypasses the System 1 emotional appraisals that often keep us small. It forces System 2 to finally acknowledge the visionary Competence you were suppressing in those meetings.
That shift in the board meeting was the moment you stepped into Relational Stewardship. You didn’t just find the missing revenue; you realigned your internal operating system to match your actual capabilities.
Dear David: Thank you so much for introducing me to STAR Framework. I'm going to do a deeper dive into your work, but it sounds fascinating and a very elegant and powerful framework. Sending you DM as well! Greatly appreciate your sharing!
You are very welcome Magdelena - “STAR” is something I’ve been working on for over 2 years (synthesising what feels like a lifetime of thoughts and observations). It’s becoming quite the body of work now. Would you like an e-copy of the ‘introductory’ book, “Dear Algorithm, It’s Not Me, It’s You”?
Dear Aidee: this is a great question! Here is a diffrent way to ask/think about this question: my friends, see me as someone who..(feel in the blank) eg: someone that they can always relay on and the one that will always listen to their venting...Hope that helps! Cheering you on! Keep going!
My blind spot is that I try to fly under the radar as a good employee who doesn’t draw attention to themself because I don’t feel worthy of being allowed to fully shine as the visionary leader I am
What does "complete it 10 times" mean? Do you mean write the first 10 things you think of? Do you keep going for the rest of the 2 minutes once you've completed it 10 times? I'd like to try the exercise. Thanks.
Dear Green Kat: great question. Here is an example: People see me as reliable and as someone that always delivers on promises. People see me as someone who is really organized. People see me as someone that is caring and creative. (+ 7 more times sentences with similar structure). Hope that help! Cheering you on! M
Dear Tina: Thank you for your honest, open and very courages share! there are many of us that make ourselves small so our parents wouldn't panic, freak out etc. Great work! Keep going! Cheering you on, M
Hi Magdalena. So I did your exercise and I found it helpful. It gave me a bit of a kick up the bum and shined a light on the self-doubt rubbish that can take up unecessary space one one's thoughts. It was quite a positive experience! Thanks!
Dear Georgina: thank you so much for sharing! and for making me laugh when you said it give you a kick in the bum (lol) - that was not my intention - but I do LOVE it! I'm so glad that you did the work, took action and got something that you can work with now, and make it into an empowering experiences for yourself. Cheering you on! M
Dear Blossoming Life: You very welcome and I'm glad that you did the work and are building self awareness and discovering the blind spots. We all have them, and knowing what they are really helps! Cheering you on! M
Dear Kim: Thank you for your authentic share! that takes courage! and I acknowledge you for having this aha moment and building that self awareness. I can’t wait to hear about your progression now with your art journey! cheering you on , M
Here is the truth I see. There is not actually a gap between how people see me and who I am. The real gap is between softness and power. People experience me as kind, thoughtful, quiet, and steady. I am all of that. I am also purposeful, curious, voice-driven, and deeply aligned with pono (rightness). Somewhere along the way, I learned to let nice stand in front of powerful. I softened the edges of my authority so I would not disturb the room. That habit of self-dimming, of flying under the radar, has kept me from fully sharing my mana (spirit, essence, power) and leading without pre-editing myself. I do not need to be louder or harder. I need to be less filtered. My voice is not missing. It has been moderated. Moving forward means choosing clarity over caution, truth over likability, and allowing my light to be seen without shrinking first.
Thank you for this opportunity to reflect, I always say that we are "blind to our own blindness" so thank you for facilitating the process for me to be enlightened!
Dear Melinda: thank you for your open, honest and deep share! and doing the work. It's so powerful and inspiring! What resonates with me is the self-diming concept! I can totally relate (along with shrinking!) Truly beautiful reflection!
Dear Emma: great question! None of it comes naturally to me - I get to discover, experiment and write my way through it for the past 2 decades ;-) - so lots of practice!
Yes, that's what I found when I tried this exercise. Not sure whether that's because I overestimate how well I hide the negatives (so the gap isn't real) or if having written a reasonably positive list of attributes I think others see, I was primed to focus in the "real me" list on the ones I think are less obvious.
Thank you for sharing this great reflection tool! I wasn't expecting to see anything, but I DID. It surprised me, and it's funny....I have felt this in my periphery a lot, but couldn't seem to touch it. This helped me touch it.
Dear Kim: thank you for your open share and I'm thrilled that you found something that surprised you! and that you are able to touch it! Keep rewriting it! Cheering you on, M
Magdalena, this is a very clear articulation of what occurs when a Prevention Focus takes the lead in one’s professional life.
In the STAR Framework, your experience of "vanishing" is a classic example of a Socialiser mindset being filtered through a perceived threat to Relatedness. Because Socialisers value collective harmony and "Social Truth", it is easy to fall into the trap of prioritising the group's comfort over your own Autonomy. By softening your words with "just" or "maybe", you were running a cautious code that made you invisible.
Your seven minute exercise is effective because it bypasses the System 1 emotional appraisals that often keep us small. It forces System 2 to finally acknowledge the visionary Competence you were suppressing in those meetings.
That shift in the board meeting was the moment you stepped into Relational Stewardship. You didn’t just find the missing revenue; you realigned your internal operating system to match your actual capabilities.
A sharp lesson in reclaiming your voice.
Dear David: Thank you so much for introducing me to STAR Framework. I'm going to do a deeper dive into your work, but it sounds fascinating and a very elegant and powerful framework. Sending you DM as well! Greatly appreciate your sharing!
You are very welcome Magdelena - “STAR” is something I’ve been working on for over 2 years (synthesising what feels like a lifetime of thoughts and observations). It’s becoming quite the body of work now. Would you like an e-copy of the ‘introductory’ book, “Dear Algorithm, It’s Not Me, It’s You”?
Dear David: that's so kind! Yes I would love one! I'm always super curious about various frameworks and methods! Thanks a million!
Could you DM me with your email?
Thank you so much. I’ve send you a DM.
Looks like I fail in task "minutes 1-2" already. How do I know “People see me as...”? This is an honest question.
Dear Aidee: this is a great question! Here is a diffrent way to ask/think about this question: my friends, see me as someone who..(feel in the blank) eg: someone that they can always relay on and the one that will always listen to their venting...Hope that helps! Cheering you on! Keep going!
Thank you for trying to solve. Well, I usually encounter that people's opinions are actually more about them than me. lol
Great reframe, Aidee!
Thank you for sharing, and I'm going to try this. Interested to see how it works to get out of your head!
Dear Ramee: I'm so glad that you are going to try it out - super curious about your experience! Cheering you on M
My blind spot is that I try to fly under the radar as a good employee who doesn’t draw attention to themself because I don’t feel worthy of being allowed to fully shine as the visionary leader I am
Dear Bella: Love, love this aha moment! I so can related! Playing it safe as not to draw attention to ourselves! Thank you so much for sharing so openly! Greatly appreciate your honesty. Now, that you build awareness you can move forward to writing your Future Script: https://www.magdalenaponurska.com/p/the-20-minute-writing-exercise-that?r=2w5u1j&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web , Cheering you on! M
What does "complete it 10 times" mean? Do you mean write the first 10 things you think of? Do you keep going for the rest of the 2 minutes once you've completed it 10 times? I'd like to try the exercise. Thanks.
Dear Green Kat: great question. Here is an example: People see me as reliable and as someone that always delivers on promises. People see me as someone who is really organized. People see me as someone that is caring and creative. (+ 7 more times sentences with similar structure). Hope that help! Cheering you on! M
I have the same question!
Wow! This is an amazing piece.
Simple. Straightforward. Insightul. Practical.
Dear Pajay: I'm so happy it resonated with you! Thank you for your kind words!
Anytime Magdalene.
My blind spot:, making myself small so my father wouldn’t panic
Dear Tina: Thank you for your honest, open and very courages share! there are many of us that make ourselves small so our parents wouldn't panic, freak out etc. Great work! Keep going! Cheering you on, M
I'm saving this post to do the exercise tomorrow. Thanks for sharing this.
Dear Georgina: I can't wait to hear about your experiences! Cheering you on, M
Hi Magdalena. So I did your exercise and I found it helpful. It gave me a bit of a kick up the bum and shined a light on the self-doubt rubbish that can take up unecessary space one one's thoughts. It was quite a positive experience! Thanks!
Dear Georgina: thank you so much for sharing! and for making me laugh when you said it give you a kick in the bum (lol) - that was not my intention - but I do LOVE it! I'm so glad that you did the work, took action and got something that you can work with now, and make it into an empowering experiences for yourself. Cheering you on! M
Thank you Magdelena! This answered the question about my future scripting feeling too fantastical to be effective!
The first blind spot I found is not trusting myself to be responsible for what what I want to create 💛💔💛
Dear Blossoming Life: You very welcome and I'm glad that you did the work and are building self awareness and discovering the blind spots. We all have them, and knowing what they are really helps! Cheering you on! M
This seems like a great exercise to try! I’ve saved this post. Thank you for sharing.
Dear Pragya: I'm so glad it resonated with you! Can't wait to hear about your experiences! Cheering you on! M
Oof. My blind spot is that I keep most of my “brilliant” art to myself to protect myself from a possible truth: that I’m not actually that brilliant.
Dear Kim: Thank you for your authentic share! that takes courage! and I acknowledge you for having this aha moment and building that self awareness. I can’t wait to hear about your progression now with your art journey! cheering you on , M
Here is the truth I see. There is not actually a gap between how people see me and who I am. The real gap is between softness and power. People experience me as kind, thoughtful, quiet, and steady. I am all of that. I am also purposeful, curious, voice-driven, and deeply aligned with pono (rightness). Somewhere along the way, I learned to let nice stand in front of powerful. I softened the edges of my authority so I would not disturb the room. That habit of self-dimming, of flying under the radar, has kept me from fully sharing my mana (spirit, essence, power) and leading without pre-editing myself. I do not need to be louder or harder. I need to be less filtered. My voice is not missing. It has been moderated. Moving forward means choosing clarity over caution, truth over likability, and allowing my light to be seen without shrinking first.
Thank you for this opportunity to reflect, I always say that we are "blind to our own blindness" so thank you for facilitating the process for me to be enlightened!
Dear Melinda: thank you for your open, honest and deep share! and doing the work. It's so powerful and inspiring! What resonates with me is the self-diming concept! I can totally relate (along with shrinking!) Truly beautiful reflection!
Always looking for my blindspots! Thank you so much!!!
Dear Sammy: I'm so glad that you are a fellow blindspot - seeker?/finder? :-) There are always hiding...
I’m sure my lists would be a mix of positive and negative judgements (e.g., nice, stubborn). Did that come naturally to you or was it intentional?
Dear Emma: great question! None of it comes naturally to me - I get to discover, experiment and write my way through it for the past 2 decades ;-) - so lots of practice!
Great! Will do🔥
I can't wait to hear about your experiences!
Something that intrigues me what if I will find a negative gap. People find good stuff in me and I’m actually not so good ?
Yes, that's what I found when I tried this exercise. Not sure whether that's because I overestimate how well I hide the negatives (so the gap isn't real) or if having written a reasonably positive list of attributes I think others see, I was primed to focus in the "real me" list on the ones I think are less obvious.