The Rejection Antidote
It’s Not What You Think and It’s Surprisingly Fun
Rejection stings.
Last month, I was getting rejection letter one after another — articles submitted to different publications, proposals for ghostwriting projects to various clients, and every single day for 30 days, my inbox (and text messages, DMs — you name it) felt like a rejection avalanche.
The first two weeks? Not bad. I dusted myself off, figured it was a numbers game.
Week three? My confidence started to resemble a deflated whoopie cushion.
Week four? Let’s just say I channeled my inner hermit crab and fantasized about building a permanent rock dwelling.
Here’s the thing: the standard advice for bouncing back from rejection is about as thrilling as watching paint dry. “Develop a thick skin!” they say. Or, “Learn from your mistakes!” Yawn.
What saved me (and, yes, boosted my confidence along the way) wasn’t some trite self-help mantra. It was kindness.
Wait, what? Kindness? You might be wondering what acts of kindness have to do with a soul-crushing rejection streak. Buckle up, because here’s the surprising truth: kindness is the secret weapon you didn’t know you had in your rejection-fighting arsenal. Here’s why:
Rejection. It’s a universal experience, but that doesn’t make it pleasant. Rejection can chip away at our self-esteem, make us question our abilities, and leave us feeling isolated and discouraged.
The standard advice — develop a thick skin, learn from your mistakes — might sound good in theory, but let’s be honest, it lacks punch. It’s about as effective as a participation trophy for building resilience. We need a more proactive, engaging approach.
Acts of kindness. Now, before you roll your eyes and think I’m suggesting baking cookies for every editor who rejects your work, hear me out. The power of kindness doesn’t lie solely in external acts.
Kindness starts with you. When you’re drowning in rejection, it’s easy to become self-critical. Stop that train right now. Here are your tools to combat negativity with kindness:
Self-compassion: Imagine a friend experiencing this rejection storm. What would you say to them? Now, say it to yourself. Be gentle, acknowledge your frustration, but don’t dwell on it.
Positive affirmations: No, not the cheesy kind you see on motivational posters. Craft affirmations that are specific to your situation. “I am a capable writer, and these rejections don’t define my worth.”
Gratitude practice: Rejection can make you hyper-focused on the negatives. Take a step back and identify things you’re grateful for — your talent, your work ethic, even a decent cup of coffee.
By prioritizing self-kindness, you create a foundation of emotional stability. You’re less likely to take rejection personally and more likely to see it as feedback or simply a redirection. This shift in perspective is crucial for staying motivated and persisting in the face of setbacks.
The magic of kindness doesn’t end with you. Here’s the fun part: spread the kindness! Pay for someone’s coffee in line, compliment a stranger’s outfit, volunteer your time.
Why? It’s not just about making their day (although that’s pretty darn cool, too). By actively practicing kindness, you reinforce your own positive self-image. You become the embodiment of the qualities you want to cultivate — resilience, empathy, and a spirit of giving.
Bonus Round: The Science of Kindness
Okay, okay, so maybe kindness sounds less like a weapon and more like a fuzzy bunny. But here’s the thing: science backs it up. Studies by Harvard Business Review show that acts of kindness not only trigger the release of feel-good hormones like oxytocin but also enhance feelings of self-worth and purpose. So yeah, kindness can actually be your secret weapon for conquering rejection.
The Takeaway: Leave the self-pity party behind and embrace the power of kindness. It’s not a passive strategy — it’s about actively nurturing yourself and your confidence even when the rejections roll in. You’ll build resilience, maintain motivation, and who knows, you might even spark a chain reaction of positivity. Plus, hey, it’s way more fun than hiding under a rock. Now get out there and be kind — to yourself and everyone around you. You’ve got this!
Looking to motivate self and others? You could try trial and error. Or you can use the Your Strengths, Decoded Tool and discover your strengths to motivation you didn’t know you had.