I am thinking this is why things like project plans and to-do-lists are so useful. We are renovating and the things to be done just kept whirling around in my brain and making me feel tired. Then our inhouse project manager swept it all into an excel spreasheet like a muster dog getting the cattle penned.
Oh the relief !
We didn't necessarily have all the answers but at least we had documented the questions, in order of when they needed to be decided/tasks needed to be done. I love this explanation Magdalena!
Dear Fi: just reading it makes me tired (lol) and yes, you are so right - we don't need to have all the answers, or solve all the things, we just need to get them "out" of our head to make space! cheering you on with all your projects!
Dear Roxy: that is for sure a daunting task! thank you for sharing! and for taking step 0. Cheering you on with the next step of taking few minutes to write - what if you did the prep for only 5 min a day and it would give you joy and peace of mind...just an idea..
Magdalena, your breakdown of the Zeigarnik effect and cognitive drain is dead-on. But you're treating the symptom, not the disease.
You’re experiencing a Vitality Leak. It’s no coincidence your tank hits zero at 3:00 PM. The Chinese Medical clock assigns 3-5pm as Kidney window—the body's core battery pack. But this crash isn't just biology; it’s the physical cost of the story you’re inhabiting.
That background hum doesn't come from unfinished emails. It comes from the energetic habit of the Over-Responsible Achiever—the unconscious story that says, "I am the one who must hold everything together."
Writing things down to quiet the nervous system is just a prettier horse on the Medical Merry-Go-Round. It's symptom management. You’re bailing water out of a sinking boat instead of plugging the hole.
The fix isn't managing your mental load. It’s instant story dissolution. When you dissolve the story creating the decision pressure, the cognitive load disappears at the source.
You don't have a task-management problem. You're inhabiting a story your body is proving true. When you're ready to step off the ride for good, let's talk.
My goal was to get my taxes filed this week and still have not sent them even though it was my non negotiable goal for the week. I have avoidance issues when it comes to managing money. I'm getting better at calling it out but I really believe this is an issue I need to face head on
Dear Steve: Thank you so much for sharing! I hope that self awareness and getting better at noticing and calling it out, will move you in the right direction. I do hope you will give the exercise a try and share your experiences with the community. Cheering you on, M!
Dear Emma: thank you so much for sharing! Cheering you on and I have no doubt that your webinar will be amazing! Consider doing the 20 min exercise and script how you feel leading the webinar and what participants are saying!
Thanks Magdalena for putting this into written words. It is like reading most of my own daily challenges during more the two decades of working in project management. High profile projects with tight deadlines and milestones as a project manager. Always behind on some areas and ahead on others in the same project. Several presentations of progress reports and status briefings, minimum every other week. All the tasks and deadlines are sources of energy drainage and takes a huge toll on cognitive performance.
To manage it and survive, it forces you to create a system and DMO to stay sane and healthy.
But you have pointed out a very good way to handle it, writing it out of your mind. I have found that writing it down with pen and paper is what works for me, and also a good session of physical exercise. A third method I use is taking 5 minutes, when I feel that everything is about to crush me to the ground and meditate. Aknowledge the stress and the tasks, and then gently nudge them away to let my mind breathe and rest for a bit.
My one task that bugs me currently is planning and preparing a week and half of worksessions for a group of people that require travel and clearances on short notice, but the time is not there yet it has to happen.
Dear Roy: my heart goes out to you! DMO's, PMO's meetings, always on the go and running - draining energy...I love what you already have in place: 1) brain dumping aka writing it out of the head onto paper; exercise, 5 min to ground and meditate these are all excellent habits, tools methods! Well done! 2) Planning and preparing a week and half work sessions with no time on hand - consider few of these ideas that have worked for me - however, it all depends on what/who else you can leverage: when I did not have a team - I would build a micro temp team around me to get through planing and pre in exchange for food/and or other favors that my co-workers liked || when I had a team - I would empower them to make some of these tasks and check in/assist etc - and as express my appreciation with their favorite drinks/food/cards/tickets....if non of this works because of shortages of time and resources - maybe just knowing that I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you...helps...? Cheers, M
Highly appreciate the feedback and good advice to approach and handle the current tasks. The project team I am a part of is a very good sparring partner to help solve the path forward according to the overarching project plan and the different sub-projects. I can discuss with them on short notice. I am one person in a three-person office, and it is very easy to “throw” questions over the room to get a second opinion or advice on how to proceed.
One of my colleagues said something about a year ago that helped me more to handle things better and that was the simple statement; “it is what it is”, meaning it has already happened and we can not change it. Aknowledge it and move on.
However, pressure triggers action. The team for this specific sub-project and the upcoming milestone is more or less put together. The rest will be in place within a couple days right after Easter holiday. I landed more of the pieces of the puzzle through a couple of hours focused work yesterday morning at work, before taking the Easter off. Good feeling, as the cognitive overload was addressed and “dumped overboard” with the help of my physical notebook.
I perform best and am most effective under pressure, and that means I have to mind a proper balance between progress and overwhelm. A lot of it is a consequence of my training and years of flying as a military search and rescue pilot.
But at times the pressure to deliver and cognitive load can be excruciating.
Dear Roy: thank you so much for sharing this! I'm so happy to hear that you have a great team, and that you are taking time off for Easter! I love what you said about performing best under pressure. It really resonated with me, because, even though I do not have a experience or training of a rescue pilot, I've trained my brain to perform best under pressure with short deadlines, with people yelling at me (lol) - and now I'm looking for ways to unlearn that...so you just gave me a great idea for an awesome essay! Cheering you on, M
Im hosting family for Easter and feel like I am squandering precious time to prepare because I have not made time to sit down and plan. I do feel overloaded. Thankfully I am able to sleep. 🙂
Dear Maria: thank you for sharing your unresolved thing! Greatly appreciate your openness. It's like taking step 0. Cheering you on, on your next action of writing down - and speculating - what if the preparation filled you with joy and energy...
Dear Michael: great step 0 - recognizing that this is in your space and it's draining your mental energy. Next step consideration: what if your new acquaintance says hell yes - I'm ready to help...think about what you are missing out on by not asking...Cheering you on! M
Dear Vinay: now that this is "out of your head" as step 0, consider step 1 and just press the button - seems way to simple and easy, but sometimes we completely ignore easy and simple things and get attached to very complicated systems. Cheering you on, and I'm sure that your clients will love your proposal. Imagine in your mind's eye - when they receive it, they open it and they are trilled with the solution you came up for them and so looking to work with you! M
My "unresolved thing" is that I am waiting for the publisher to send me the formatted pages of my upcoming book for me to approve. I am concerned that there might be mistakes that need to be corrected, but they have told me, "any changes will cost you £570." So I'm stressed about that. Slightly stressed and unresolved that I have a writing workshop tomorrow, and I'm worried hardly anyone will show up, and it won't be worth my time to do it. Yet, I know some people have committed to coming. I just want it to be resolved and over.
Dear Rose: that's a lot of "things/worries" that are happening at the same time. I do hope that getting it "out" of your head crated some space for being able to focus on your workshop tomorrow. Cheering you on and I'm sure that your workshop will be a success and your participants will get immense value! M
Thank you so much Magdalena. This will be the second workshop, and the participants are all sweet, so I'm sure I can "cook up" something useful for them. It's more the book that has been an ongoing situation. And I do mean "ongoing"! Time marches on, and I suppose we are making progress, but it doesn't feel like it yet. Maybe because I don't know how many other steps there are still to go!
This is a perfect illustration of how the real "unresolved thing" is rarely the task itself.
It's the same program running in two different situations: the weight of being solely responsible for the outcome.
That program is the unconscious story of: "I am the one who has to get this right, and if it goes wrong, it's my fault.” It's not just a thought; it's the default Operating System you're running. It's designed to automatically turn circumstances into stress.
The relief you're looking for isn't in the workshop being over or the pages being approved. The real relief comes from dissolving the story so you can install a new operating system—one where your worth isn't tied to the outcome.
Ooh, that's interesting. Yes, I DO feel that the pages must be right, or I will be WASTING even more money on this book, which has yet to earn a penny. Actually, it has yet to see the light of day, and it's like being in the delivery room for days, struggling to birth the thing. I don't know how long it is going to be, other than it has already been WAY, WAY, WAY too long!
Yes, I agree, it is erasing the victory in front of me. Unfortunately, my way of coping is to lose interest. I suppose endless delays are par for the course in publishing, but it seems I can only handle so many delays, and after that, I start to mentally and emotionally "check out". Fortunately, some spark could bring the embers back to life, but at the moment, no sparks flying from the publishing wheel.
Push back! Publishers want the material we provide in return for a small royalty (7% in my case). And then they want to charge us for indexing, permissions, and changes etc. it’s not on.
Oh Barry, I hear you! It makes you wonder, doesn't it, why we do this crazy thing. I've concluded we do it because we can't not do it. I left writing alone for about 20 years (my hiatus) but it sucked me back in. As irritating the publishing process is for me now, I'm already considering what book I could write next. I swear, this writing "bug" is a disease! Or a personality disorder that requires a support group at the very least!
Dear Sharon: thank you for taking the step 0, and getting it out of your proverbial chest. Now, consider 30 seconds for step 1: reach out to 1 and see what happens....cheering you on and can't wait to hear about your experience...and what the person said when you reached out! M
Thank you for the encouragement, Magdalena. One thing that often holds me back is the thought that since so much time has passed I need to make a "grand" jester. 🙃🤪
Not so ...
I sent a cartoon to a friend with a simple note letting her know that it reminded me of her. She thought it was hilarious and perfect. I feel a smile between us.
I sent a text to a " neglected" friend who has just relocated to a new state. We now have an appt for a phone chat.
I'm noticing how taking these actions early in the day creates a sense of accomplishment and release.
Dear Sharon: you made my DAY! I love, love the actions you took! and I love the results! Cheering you on and keep going! I can't wait to see/hear what you create/invent next!!!
I am thinking this is why things like project plans and to-do-lists are so useful. We are renovating and the things to be done just kept whirling around in my brain and making me feel tired. Then our inhouse project manager swept it all into an excel spreasheet like a muster dog getting the cattle penned.
Oh the relief !
We didn't necessarily have all the answers but at least we had documented the questions, in order of when they needed to be decided/tasks needed to be done. I love this explanation Magdalena!
Dear Fi: just reading it makes me tired (lol) and yes, you are so right - we don't need to have all the answers, or solve all the things, we just need to get them "out" of our head to make space! cheering you on with all your projects!
Getting all of my end-of-life documents in order. I’m not dying-that I know of-but it’s a daunting task.
Dear Roxy: that is for sure a daunting task! thank you for sharing! and for taking step 0. Cheering you on with the next step of taking few minutes to write - what if you did the prep for only 5 min a day and it would give you joy and peace of mind...just an idea..
We are awaiting a decision from a parole board. Hopefully, they start my son's case early in the day...
Dear Bridget: sending you lots of love, hugs and healing thoughts!
Thank you so much, Magdalena.
Magdalena, your breakdown of the Zeigarnik effect and cognitive drain is dead-on. But you're treating the symptom, not the disease.
You’re experiencing a Vitality Leak. It’s no coincidence your tank hits zero at 3:00 PM. The Chinese Medical clock assigns 3-5pm as Kidney window—the body's core battery pack. But this crash isn't just biology; it’s the physical cost of the story you’re inhabiting.
That background hum doesn't come from unfinished emails. It comes from the energetic habit of the Over-Responsible Achiever—the unconscious story that says, "I am the one who must hold everything together."
Writing things down to quiet the nervous system is just a prettier horse on the Medical Merry-Go-Round. It's symptom management. You’re bailing water out of a sinking boat instead of plugging the hole.
The fix isn't managing your mental load. It’s instant story dissolution. When you dissolve the story creating the decision pressure, the cognitive load disappears at the source.
You don't have a task-management problem. You're inhabiting a story your body is proving true. When you're ready to step off the ride for good, let's talk.
I'm so glad it resonated with you! and your analysis is super fascinating! thank you so much for sharing that with the community!
My goal was to get my taxes filed this week and still have not sent them even though it was my non negotiable goal for the week. I have avoidance issues when it comes to managing money. I'm getting better at calling it out but I really believe this is an issue I need to face head on
Dear Steve: Thank you so much for sharing! I hope that self awareness and getting better at noticing and calling it out, will move you in the right direction. I do hope you will give the exercise a try and share your experiences with the community. Cheering you on, M!
Content and design for a webinar next week. I don’t understand why I’m delaying as it will be v satisfying and enjoyable.
Dear Emma: thank you so much for sharing! Cheering you on and I have no doubt that your webinar will be amazing! Consider doing the 20 min exercise and script how you feel leading the webinar and what participants are saying!
Thanks Magdalena for putting this into written words. It is like reading most of my own daily challenges during more the two decades of working in project management. High profile projects with tight deadlines and milestones as a project manager. Always behind on some areas and ahead on others in the same project. Several presentations of progress reports and status briefings, minimum every other week. All the tasks and deadlines are sources of energy drainage and takes a huge toll on cognitive performance.
To manage it and survive, it forces you to create a system and DMO to stay sane and healthy.
But you have pointed out a very good way to handle it, writing it out of your mind. I have found that writing it down with pen and paper is what works for me, and also a good session of physical exercise. A third method I use is taking 5 minutes, when I feel that everything is about to crush me to the ground and meditate. Aknowledge the stress and the tasks, and then gently nudge them away to let my mind breathe and rest for a bit.
My one task that bugs me currently is planning and preparing a week and half of worksessions for a group of people that require travel and clearances on short notice, but the time is not there yet it has to happen.
Dear Roy: my heart goes out to you! DMO's, PMO's meetings, always on the go and running - draining energy...I love what you already have in place: 1) brain dumping aka writing it out of the head onto paper; exercise, 5 min to ground and meditate these are all excellent habits, tools methods! Well done! 2) Planning and preparing a week and half work sessions with no time on hand - consider few of these ideas that have worked for me - however, it all depends on what/who else you can leverage: when I did not have a team - I would build a micro temp team around me to get through planing and pre in exchange for food/and or other favors that my co-workers liked || when I had a team - I would empower them to make some of these tasks and check in/assist etc - and as express my appreciation with their favorite drinks/food/cards/tickets....if non of this works because of shortages of time and resources - maybe just knowing that I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you...helps...? Cheers, M
Highly appreciate the feedback and good advice to approach and handle the current tasks. The project team I am a part of is a very good sparring partner to help solve the path forward according to the overarching project plan and the different sub-projects. I can discuss with them on short notice. I am one person in a three-person office, and it is very easy to “throw” questions over the room to get a second opinion or advice on how to proceed.
One of my colleagues said something about a year ago that helped me more to handle things better and that was the simple statement; “it is what it is”, meaning it has already happened and we can not change it. Aknowledge it and move on.
However, pressure triggers action. The team for this specific sub-project and the upcoming milestone is more or less put together. The rest will be in place within a couple days right after Easter holiday. I landed more of the pieces of the puzzle through a couple of hours focused work yesterday morning at work, before taking the Easter off. Good feeling, as the cognitive overload was addressed and “dumped overboard” with the help of my physical notebook.
I perform best and am most effective under pressure, and that means I have to mind a proper balance between progress and overwhelm. A lot of it is a consequence of my training and years of flying as a military search and rescue pilot.
But at times the pressure to deliver and cognitive load can be excruciating.
Dear Roy: thank you so much for sharing this! I'm so happy to hear that you have a great team, and that you are taking time off for Easter! I love what you said about performing best under pressure. It really resonated with me, because, even though I do not have a experience or training of a rescue pilot, I've trained my brain to perform best under pressure with short deadlines, with people yelling at me (lol) - and now I'm looking for ways to unlearn that...so you just gave me a great idea for an awesome essay! Cheering you on, M
Im hosting family for Easter and feel like I am squandering precious time to prepare because I have not made time to sit down and plan. I do feel overloaded. Thankfully I am able to sleep. 🙂
Dear Maria: thank you for sharing your unresolved thing! Greatly appreciate your openness. It's like taking step 0. Cheering you on, on your next action of writing down - and speculating - what if the preparation filled you with joy and energy...
Deciding whether to take a risk of vulnerability by asking a new acquaintance for a small favor regarding my job search
Dear Michael: great step 0 - recognizing that this is in your space and it's draining your mental energy. Next step consideration: what if your new acquaintance says hell yes - I'm ready to help...think about what you are missing out on by not asking...Cheering you on! M
Thank you for pointing out the upside!
Proposal that need to be sent out to clients
Dear Vinay: now that this is "out of your head" as step 0, consider step 1 and just press the button - seems way to simple and easy, but sometimes we completely ignore easy and simple things and get attached to very complicated systems. Cheering you on, and I'm sure that your clients will love your proposal. Imagine in your mind's eye - when they receive it, they open it and they are trilled with the solution you came up for them and so looking to work with you! M
Thx for cheering me on
You very welcome!
My "unresolved thing" is that I am waiting for the publisher to send me the formatted pages of my upcoming book for me to approve. I am concerned that there might be mistakes that need to be corrected, but they have told me, "any changes will cost you £570." So I'm stressed about that. Slightly stressed and unresolved that I have a writing workshop tomorrow, and I'm worried hardly anyone will show up, and it won't be worth my time to do it. Yet, I know some people have committed to coming. I just want it to be resolved and over.
Dear Rose: that's a lot of "things/worries" that are happening at the same time. I do hope that getting it "out" of your head crated some space for being able to focus on your workshop tomorrow. Cheering you on and I'm sure that your workshop will be a success and your participants will get immense value! M
Thank you so much Magdalena. This will be the second workshop, and the participants are all sweet, so I'm sure I can "cook up" something useful for them. It's more the book that has been an ongoing situation. And I do mean "ongoing"! Time marches on, and I suppose we are making progress, but it doesn't feel like it yet. Maybe because I don't know how many other steps there are still to go!
This is a perfect illustration of how the real "unresolved thing" is rarely the task itself.
It's the same program running in two different situations: the weight of being solely responsible for the outcome.
That program is the unconscious story of: "I am the one who has to get this right, and if it goes wrong, it's my fault.” It's not just a thought; it's the default Operating System you're running. It's designed to automatically turn circumstances into stress.
The relief you're looking for isn't in the workshop being over or the pages being approved. The real relief comes from dissolving the story so you can install a new operating system—one where your worth isn't tied to the outcome.
Ooh, that's interesting. Yes, I DO feel that the pages must be right, or I will be WASTING even more money on this book, which has yet to earn a penny. Actually, it has yet to see the light of day, and it's like being in the delivery room for days, struggling to birth the thing. I don't know how long it is going to be, other than it has already been WAY, WAY, WAY too long!
You're right. The book isn't in the delivery room; it's already been born. And that makes the diagnosis even clearer.
The story isn't just about the struggle to create something. It's about the inability to feel the accomplishment when it's done.
It takes the finished book—the win—and turns it into a referendum on your worth, measured by every pound and every hour you invested.
The story is so powerful it can erase the victory right in front of you.
Yes, I agree, it is erasing the victory in front of me. Unfortunately, my way of coping is to lose interest. I suppose endless delays are par for the course in publishing, but it seems I can only handle so many delays, and after that, I start to mentally and emotionally "check out". Fortunately, some spark could bring the embers back to life, but at the moment, no sparks flying from the publishing wheel.
It makes total sense why you're 'checking out,' Rose.
When you tie your internal aliveness to an external timeline you can't control, your system literally powers down.
It takes too much energy to sustain—it's a massive Vitality Leak.
I'm going to shoot you a DM so we don't hijack Magdalena's comment thread here.
Push back! Publishers want the material we provide in return for a small royalty (7% in my case). And then they want to charge us for indexing, permissions, and changes etc. it’s not on.
Oh Barry, I hear you! It makes you wonder, doesn't it, why we do this crazy thing. I've concluded we do it because we can't not do it. I left writing alone for about 20 years (my hiatus) but it sucked me back in. As irritating the publishing process is for me now, I'm already considering what book I could write next. I swear, this writing "bug" is a disease! Or a personality disorder that requires a support group at the very least!
M I like your clarity and the way you open new ways of seeing things that then seem obvious ❤️
Dear Linda: thank you for your kind and supportive words! I'm so glad that you find it valuable!
Thank you.
There are several relationships I would like to deepen, yet I keep putting off reaching out waiting for the "perfect" time.
Dear Sharon: thank you for taking the step 0, and getting it out of your proverbial chest. Now, consider 30 seconds for step 1: reach out to 1 and see what happens....cheering you on and can't wait to hear about your experience...and what the person said when you reached out! M
Thank you for the encouragement, Magdalena. One thing that often holds me back is the thought that since so much time has passed I need to make a "grand" jester. 🙃🤪
Not so ...
I sent a cartoon to a friend with a simple note letting her know that it reminded me of her. She thought it was hilarious and perfect. I feel a smile between us.
I sent a text to a " neglected" friend who has just relocated to a new state. We now have an appt for a phone chat.
I'm noticing how taking these actions early in the day creates a sense of accomplishment and release.
I am grateful.
Dear Sharon: you made my DAY! I love, love the actions you took! and I love the results! Cheering you on and keep going! I can't wait to see/hear what you create/invent next!!!