How My Writing Habit Made Me a Better Parent (and Partner, and Friend)

The not-so-secret secret...

Photo by José Ignacio González Pansiera on Unsplash

Want to know the secret to deeper connections, more meaningful relationships, and a happier family life?

It might surprise you: it's writing.

No, I'm not talking about penning the next great “War and Peace””. I'm talking about the simple act of putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and letting your thoughts flow.

You see, I always wanted to be a more present, more engaged, and more loving parent, partner, and friend. But life, as it often does, had other plans. My days were a whirlwind of school runs, grocery lists, work deadlines, and that ever-growing pile of laundry that seemed to multiply like rabbits.

Drowning in the To-Do List

My mind was a constant battlefield. To-do lists clashed with worries, obligations wrestled with fleeting moments of joy. It was exhausting. And in the midst of all this mental chaos, something precious was getting lost: my ability to truly connect with the people I loved.

I'd be physically present, of course, but mentally? I was miles away. While enjoying dinner with my family, I would be strategizing tomorrow's schedule. While my partner was sharing their heartfelt thoughts, I would be crafting a clever response to an email from my boss. When my friend needed support, I would mentally formulate a response before they could complete their sentence.

I was a master of multitasking but a failure at genuine connection.

Finding My Sanctuary

Then something shifted. I stumbled upon the power of a daily writing habit. Initially, it served as a means to express myself and tidy up the mental clutter that was on the verge of overflowing. But it quickly became something much more profound.

My journal became my sanctuary, a space to process the daily onslaught of emotions, to reflect on my experiences, and to untangle the knots in my thinking. It was like having my own personal therapist, one who never judged and always had time to listen.

And as I wrote, something magical happened. I started to understand myself better. I began to recognize the patterns in my behavior, the triggers that sent me spiraling, the insecurities that held me back.

But the real transformation happened outside the pages of my journal.

The Effect of Words

Through writing, I learned to communicate more effectively. Instead of reacting impulsively, I'd take a moment to pause, reflect, and articulate my thoughts and feelings with clarity and compassion. (Turns out, writing a scathing email to your partner and then deleting it is a fantastic way to avoid an argument.)

Writing also helped me express my love more authentically. Instead of relying on generic Hallmark sentiments, I started to find my own words, words that truly captured the depth of my affection. A heartfelt note tucked into a lunchbox, a silly poem left on the bathroom mirror – these small gestures, fueled by my writing practice, spoke volumes.

Perhaps most importantly, writing cultivated empathy and understanding. By exploring different perspectives on paper, I became more attuned to the experiences of others. I learned to truly listen, to see the world through their eyes, to offer support without judgment.

The Present Parent (and Partner, and Friend)

The impact on my relationships was profound. I became more patient, more compassionate, more present. Dinner conversations transformed into genuine exchanges, not just logistical updates. I was truly there for my partner, offering not just solutions but a listening ear and an empathetic heart. And when my friends needed support, I could offer a safe space and a shoulder to lean on, without the distraction of my own mental chatter.

My writing habit didn't just make me a better parent, partner, and friend. It made me a better person.

The Science of Scribbling

It turns out there's a scientific basis for this transformation. Research in positive psychology has shown that expressive writing can reduce stress, improve emotional regulation, and boost overall well-being (Pennebaker, 1997). By putting our thoughts and feelings into words, we gain a sense of control over our inner world, freeing up mental space for connection and empathy.

Furthermore, studies have demonstrated that reflective writing can enhance perspective-taking and promote prosocial behavior (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005). When we write about our experiences, we're essentially engaging in a form of mental rehearsal, allowing us to analyze situations from multiple angles and develop more nuanced responses.

So, don't undervalue the power of the pen if you're looking to strengthen your relationships.

Join the Challenge

Ready to become the best version of yourself for the people you love? I challenge you to embrace a daily writing habit. It doesn't have to be a monumental task. Start small. Jot down a few thoughts in a notebook, compose a short email to a friend, or simply free-write for five minutes each morning.

The key is consistency. Make writing a non-negotiable part of your day, a ritual that nourishes your soul and strengthens your bonds.

Because a daily writing habit isn't just about personal growth. It's about nurturing the bonds that matter most, creating a richer and more loving life for yourself and those you cherish.

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References

Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111-131.

Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8(3), 162-166.

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