I'll Live When I'm Dead

A Polish immigrant's AHA! moment in the heart of the American dream

The Polish work ethic is legendary, a potent blend of resilience, determination, and a touch of fatalism. We’re raised with a deep-seated belief that hard work is its own reward, and that any form of indulgence or pleasure is best saved for “later.” When I arrived in America at the tender age of 20, brimming with ambition and wide-eyed wonder, I carried this mindset like a cherished heirloom. I was ready to conquer the world, one delayed gratification at a time.

Little did I know that this ingrained belief system would lead me down a winding path of self-denial and missed opportunities, culminating in a startling realization: Will I actually get to enjoy my life when I’m dead?

The Science of Delayed Gratification

Delayed gratification, the ability to resist the temptation of an immediate reward in favor of a larger or more enduring one in the future, is a cornerstone of success in many areas of life. It’s the marshmallow test at large, where the ability to forgo a single treat now can lead to a whole bag of them later.

Research has shown that those who are skilled at delaying gratification tend to have better academic performance, higher incomes, and improved health outcomes. It’s a valuable trait, no doubt, but like any good thing, it can be taken to extremes.

The Polish Upbringing: Work Hard, Play… Later

Growing up in Poland, I was steeped in a culture that prized hard work above all else. Leisure was a luxury, a frivolous indulgence to be enjoyed sparingly, if at all. The message was clear: work now, reap the rewards later.

My parents, who had experienced the hardships of communism and instilled in me a deep appreciation for the value of a dollar, furthered this mindset. They taught me to be frugal, to save for a rainy day, and to never take anything for granted.

While these lessons were undoubtedly valuable, they also fostered a sense of scarcity and a fear of missing out. I became obsessed with accumulating wealth and achievements, convinced that true happiness lay just beyond the horizon, waiting for me to finally “deserve” it.

The American Dream: A Double-Edged Sword

When I first arrived in America, the possibilities were seemingly endless. The land of opportunity beckoned, promising a life of abundance and fulfillment. But it also presented a unique challenge: how to balance my deeply ingrained Polish work ethic with the American ethos of instant gratification.

I threw myself into my work with gusto, determined to make my mark on the world. I climbed the corporate ladder, earned advanced degrees, and built a comfortable life for myself. But in my relentless pursuit of success, I neglected the simple pleasures that make life worth living.

I postponed vacations, skipped social events, and put my personal life on hold. I told myself that I would enjoy the fruits of my labor “later,” when I had finally achieved all my goals. But the “later” never seemed to arrive.

The AHA! Moment: Will I Live When I’m Dead?

It wasn’t until a recent health scare that I finally woke up to the absurdity of my thinking. Faced with the prospect of my own mortality, I realized that I had been living my life in a perpetual state of “later.” I had been so focused on the future that I had neglected the present.

The irony was not lost on me: Will I actually get to enjoy my life when I’m dead?

This realization was a turning point for me. I began to question my priorities and to re-evaluate my definition of success. I realized that true happiness lies not in accumulating wealth or achievements, but in savoring the moments, big and small, that make up a life well-lived.

Rewriting the Script: Embracing the Present

I’m not suggesting that we abandon our ambitions or give up on our dreams. But we need to find a balance between striving for the future and enjoying the present. We need to learn to appreciate the journey, not just the destination.

Here are a few lessons I’ve learned along the way:

• Set boundaries: It’s important to establish clear boundaries between work and personal life. Don’t let your job consume you. Make time for the things that bring you joy, whether it’s spending time with loved ones, pursuing a hobby, or simply relaxing.

• Practice gratitude: Take time each day to appreciate the good things in your life. Focus on what you have, not on what you lack.

• Live in the moment: Don’t get so caught up in planning for the future that you forget to enjoy the present. Savor the simple pleasures, like a good meal, a beautiful sunset, or a shared laugh with a friend.

• Don’t be afraid to say no: It’s okay to decline invitations or opportunities if they don’t align with your priorities. Don’t feel obligated to please everyone.

• Forgive yourself: We all make mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip up from time to time. Just pick yourself up and keep moving forward.

Final Thoughts 

My journey from a workaholic Polish immigrant to a more balanced and fulfilled individual has been a long and winding one. But it’s a journey I’m grateful for. I’ve learned that true happiness lies not in delaying gratification, but in embracing the present and appreciating the richness of life in all its forms.

So, to my fellow Polish immigrants and anyone else who struggles with the “later” mentality, I urge you to reconsider your priorities. Don’t wait until it’s too late to start living your life to the fullest. Remember, you only get one shot at this, so make it count.

And as for me, I’m done waiting for “later.” I’m ready to live my life now, while I’m still alive to enjoy it. 

After all, I’ll be dead soon enough.