Because you're right, it's not about time. I've found three hours to scroll through political arguments with strangers who'll never change their minds. I've found time to drive to pout and be discouraged. Time bends for what matters to the version of yourself you're currently being.
The drift happens so quietly you don't notice until you're standing in front of the blank page like a stranger at your own front door. The key doesn't fit because you're not the same person who locked it. I stopped writing fiction for three years. Told myself I was too busy building businesses, raising kids, surviving bankruptcy and legal battles. But the truth was uglier. I'd drifted so far from the guy who believed stories mattered that I couldn't remember why I ever sat down in the first place.
I read something a while back that stuck with me. Doctors told heart patients they would literally die if they didn't change their habits. Life or death. No ambiguity. Six out of seven still couldn't do it. Not because they didn't understand. Not because they didn't care. Because their nervous system registered transformation as a bigger threat than death. Think about that. Your brain will choose familiar suffering over uncertain survival. It will pick the devil it knows even when that devil is killing you.
What brought me back wasn't discipline. It was one sentence that felt like coming home. I stopped writing and realized my silence would become my eulogy. Just a sentence that reminded me who the hell I was before I learned to be someone else. Your reader doesn't need 20 minutes. They need one sentence that reminds them.
Dear Joe: your share just brought me to tears. Thank you so much for your very heartfelt, genuine, open sharing! I absolutely love this sentence: "we do not need 20 minutes - we need ONE sentence that reminds us" who we are and who we are becoming. Drifting is so easy b/c it happens on autopilot, it's easy b/c it doesn't require much thought and effort - and it helps us to numb out - but as you said the price we pay is very high! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I also read a long time ago somewhere a similar story, you described (it was probably the same) with patients facing to do something different (taking a simple medication) or else they die. Eight out of ten didn't want to take that pill. I couldn't believe it. Crazy. But it's exactly what you say: the brain will choose familiar suffering over uncertain survival.
And this we can transfer to Magdalena's writing input....
Dear Claudia: I'm right there with you! When I read that I couldn't believe it and went and pulled up the research that they were referring to in the book! and it went back to how our brain prefers familiar!
I found myself on auto pilot at work the other day. A normal process was not the same because someone did not place a lock (twice) where it should be. In that instance my brain must have been locked.
You hit far too many truths (for me at least!) to comment on all them but the idea of not writing as a form of emotional protection - from accessing that writing self - really chimes.
I think through writing, so when I don’t write it’s because I’m numbed, too fearful of where thought might lead.
I think that’s why I love having a Substack. It gives me a framework I can step into as well as a community of readers and fellow writers who I feel a real connection with. I have my ‘USP’ (‘emigration to sunnier climes is not all cocktails and swimming pools’ 😊) and within that plenty of spaces I can sketch lightly or burrow more deeply into.
I write, and by writing I often work through the things I think I won’t or don’t want to write about, if that makes sense!
Dear Michelle: I'm so glad that it resonated with you! I love when you say that through writing you work through things that you do and do not want to write about! and I love your honest and authentic share of "I think through writing, so when I don’t write it’s because I’m numbed, too fearful of where thought might lead". Deeply appreciate you! Keep writing! Cheering you on! M
Dear Wilco: Thank you for your deep and thoughtful questions! Positive opposite of identity drift - we could consider is drifting from old identity to a new one - the positive aspect of that is pruning - so I'm pruning my old identity of "I must work hard - b/c if I don't - I am going to die" (sounds ridiculous but that's what I'm working on) and creating new neuro-pathways for "I work in flow, ease, and joy". So I'm watching my thoughts (metacognition) for when the "hard" thoughts show up (self awareness) and consciously pivot to flow and ease so I can become that...Hope that makes sense...
Love it! That sounds much more like me than identity drift. Makes so much sense why I often have difficulties to relate to problem-driven writings and teachings or methods. I can definitely imagine myself as an 'inner gardener', pruning and making space for the golden flowers to come through naturally. Love the daily process of self-observation and inner work. Thank you for putting it into words.
Dear Wilco: I love, love your metaphor of "inner gardener" and pruning and making space for more flowers - that's so beatiful and powerful!!! I love borrowing from nature when talking about our brains!
Another great article! Important to remember you can just write one sentence - not a whole book! I think it is so important also to pay attention to your speech and make it match what you write. Start saying out loud what you just wrote. Another important lesson I have learned is how the people you surround yourself with affects your time and your writing and other creative pursuits. That is what is so great about this community here - like-minded creative people who encourage each other.
Dear Rosemary: Thank you for your kind and generous words! And yes! you are 100% right - surrounding yourself with people that are supportive, kind and creative is one of the best things you can do for yourself. That's why I love this community so much!
I found this insightful statement very relatable to me: "Writing is metacognition: witnessing your own mind. It requires honesty, presence, and emotional coherence." Thank you for writing this valuable piece, Magdalena. All your points deeply resonated with me.
Dear Fernando: I'm so glad that it made you think about your priorities. I do hope you give it a try and share your expereinces with me and the community. Cheering you on, M!
As you said: if there is an emergency, we always find available time. So if I don't have time for certain activities that I say I prioritize, that means at some point I lost connection with the person I wanted to be.
Powerful framing on identity drift. The heart patient study really drives home how threat-avoidant the nervous system is, even when survival is on the line transformation still registers as riskier than staying put. The RAS filtering out cues that dont match current identity is a great mechanistic explanation for why practices that used to work suddenly feel inaccessible. It's not willpower failure, its literally perception shifting based on who we beleive we are right now.
Dear AI Architect: I'm so glad that you've zoomed in onto the heart patient study - it very much tells the story of how non of us wakes up and says I can't wait to do uncomfortable, prune old identity - we really like our comfort and routines...So interruptions to the old routines are so important
Dear Tracy: I can't tell you how happy it makes me to read that this is exactly what you need! I do hope you give it a try and share your experiences with me! Cheering you on, M!
Awww “ your brain is avoiding the emotional energy required to meet yourself,”
That is paraphrase, but that is what landed with me most in the idea that the key no longer fits.
Excellent post which also reminds me of how when we say we don’t have time for something what we might be saying is it’s no longer a priority or it is not a priority at this moment and then all the forgetting of the goodness of that space gets buried.
Great post as I’m at the ER right now with my daughter and of course I have time for this so why not for my writing?
Dear Prajna: I do hope you and your daughter is doing well and that the ER visit wasn't connected to anything major (please let me know! - having gone through similar experiences with my son I do know how challenging these situations are!) I do love your reframe and noticing that the things we say no to - no longer fit who we are or who we are becoming. Spot on! Sending you lots of well wishes, M!
Dear Jacqueline: excellent point - I did not even think about the concept of "time" being the easiest to blame! spot on! versus looking at the fear that shows up and not wanting to face it! No one wakes up and say: " I can't wait to be uncomfortable and in fear today! "
So simple and yet so «difficult», when we have programmed ourselves consciously or unconsciously, for safety and what is already known to us. The unknown makes us uncomfortable and wants us the go back to what is perceived as a safe and comfy.
What immediately pops up in my mind is Earl Nightingale’s «The Strangest Secret» and I quote « We become what we think about».
Our environment, that we ar exposed to every single day, contributes to our habits and the «willingness» step out of a known pattern and step into a new, unknown one that will benefit you, not making you get stuck.
Dear Roy: I love what you wrote: " The unknown makes us uncomfortable and wants us the go back to what is perceived as a safe and comfy.' so very true!!! I always say when I run workshops that no one wakes up and says to themselves: I can't wait to be uncomfortable today (well maybe there are few..lol) but you are spot on that environment and habits take over - so it's up to us to CREATE time, new habits, new environments and prune the old ones!
Identity drift. That's the phrase that got me.
Because you're right, it's not about time. I've found three hours to scroll through political arguments with strangers who'll never change their minds. I've found time to drive to pout and be discouraged. Time bends for what matters to the version of yourself you're currently being.
The drift happens so quietly you don't notice until you're standing in front of the blank page like a stranger at your own front door. The key doesn't fit because you're not the same person who locked it. I stopped writing fiction for three years. Told myself I was too busy building businesses, raising kids, surviving bankruptcy and legal battles. But the truth was uglier. I'd drifted so far from the guy who believed stories mattered that I couldn't remember why I ever sat down in the first place.
I read something a while back that stuck with me. Doctors told heart patients they would literally die if they didn't change their habits. Life or death. No ambiguity. Six out of seven still couldn't do it. Not because they didn't understand. Not because they didn't care. Because their nervous system registered transformation as a bigger threat than death. Think about that. Your brain will choose familiar suffering over uncertain survival. It will pick the devil it knows even when that devil is killing you.
What brought me back wasn't discipline. It was one sentence that felt like coming home. I stopped writing and realized my silence would become my eulogy. Just a sentence that reminded me who the hell I was before I learned to be someone else. Your reader doesn't need 20 minutes. They need one sentence that reminds them.
Dear Joe: your share just brought me to tears. Thank you so much for your very heartfelt, genuine, open sharing! I absolutely love this sentence: "we do not need 20 minutes - we need ONE sentence that reminds us" who we are and who we are becoming. Drifting is so easy b/c it happens on autopilot, it's easy b/c it doesn't require much thought and effort - and it helps us to numb out - but as you said the price we pay is very high! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I also read a long time ago somewhere a similar story, you described (it was probably the same) with patients facing to do something different (taking a simple medication) or else they die. Eight out of ten didn't want to take that pill. I couldn't believe it. Crazy. But it's exactly what you say: the brain will choose familiar suffering over uncertain survival.
And this we can transfer to Magdalena's writing input....
Dear Claudia: I'm right there with you! When I read that I couldn't believe it and went and pulled up the research that they were referring to in the book! and it went back to how our brain prefers familiar!
I found myself on auto pilot at work the other day. A normal process was not the same because someone did not place a lock (twice) where it should be. In that instance my brain must have been locked.
Dear Cynthia: this is such a powerful observation! Great self awareness on your part!
Thank you!
More great thoughts about writing. You may or may not have noticed I stopped too.
Dear Tom: I did notice! So when are you coming back to your new identity of a writer? Cheering you on! and can't wait to read your essays!
You hit far too many truths (for me at least!) to comment on all them but the idea of not writing as a form of emotional protection - from accessing that writing self - really chimes.
I think through writing, so when I don’t write it’s because I’m numbed, too fearful of where thought might lead.
I think that’s why I love having a Substack. It gives me a framework I can step into as well as a community of readers and fellow writers who I feel a real connection with. I have my ‘USP’ (‘emigration to sunnier climes is not all cocktails and swimming pools’ 😊) and within that plenty of spaces I can sketch lightly or burrow more deeply into.
I write, and by writing I often work through the things I think I won’t or don’t want to write about, if that makes sense!
Dear Michelle: I'm so glad that it resonated with you! I love when you say that through writing you work through things that you do and do not want to write about! and I love your honest and authentic share of "I think through writing, so when I don’t write it’s because I’m numbed, too fearful of where thought might lead". Deeply appreciate you! Keep writing! Cheering you on! M
Thank you! It was a powerful read for me this morning 😊
Magdalena, a question about identity drift: is there a positive opposite of that?
Like, when you don't have it (anymore), but actually move through changes with ease. Also, if you find rest and calmness in vulnerability.
Does it have a word? And what would you notice in the brain? Which parts light up? What connections are increased?
Dear Wilco: Thank you for your deep and thoughtful questions! Positive opposite of identity drift - we could consider is drifting from old identity to a new one - the positive aspect of that is pruning - so I'm pruning my old identity of "I must work hard - b/c if I don't - I am going to die" (sounds ridiculous but that's what I'm working on) and creating new neuro-pathways for "I work in flow, ease, and joy". So I'm watching my thoughts (metacognition) for when the "hard" thoughts show up (self awareness) and consciously pivot to flow and ease so I can become that...Hope that makes sense...
Love it! That sounds much more like me than identity drift. Makes so much sense why I often have difficulties to relate to problem-driven writings and teachings or methods. I can definitely imagine myself as an 'inner gardener', pruning and making space for the golden flowers to come through naturally. Love the daily process of self-observation and inner work. Thank you for putting it into words.
Dear Wilco: I love, love your metaphor of "inner gardener" and pruning and making space for more flowers - that's so beatiful and powerful!!! I love borrowing from nature when talking about our brains!
Another great article! Important to remember you can just write one sentence - not a whole book! I think it is so important also to pay attention to your speech and make it match what you write. Start saying out loud what you just wrote. Another important lesson I have learned is how the people you surround yourself with affects your time and your writing and other creative pursuits. That is what is so great about this community here - like-minded creative people who encourage each other.
Dear Rosemary: Thank you for your kind and generous words! And yes! you are 100% right - surrounding yourself with people that are supportive, kind and creative is one of the best things you can do for yourself. That's why I love this community so much!
I found this insightful statement very relatable to me: "Writing is metacognition: witnessing your own mind. It requires honesty, presence, and emotional coherence." Thank you for writing this valuable piece, Magdalena. All your points deeply resonated with me.
Dear Dr. Mehmet: I'm so glad that this resonate with you and that you support the idea of writing as a metacognition! and witnessing our own minds!
A Very honest post that made me think a lot about priorities
Dear Fernando: I'm so glad that it made you think about your priorities. I do hope you give it a try and share your expereinces with me and the community. Cheering you on, M!
As you said: if there is an emergency, we always find available time. So if I don't have time for certain activities that I say I prioritize, that means at some point I lost connection with the person I wanted to be.
You've recreated it so well! I completely concur!
I had a good master
Powerful framing on identity drift. The heart patient study really drives home how threat-avoidant the nervous system is, even when survival is on the line transformation still registers as riskier than staying put. The RAS filtering out cues that dont match current identity is a great mechanistic explanation for why practices that used to work suddenly feel inaccessible. It's not willpower failure, its literally perception shifting based on who we beleive we are right now.
Dear AI Architect: I'm so glad that you've zoomed in onto the heart patient study - it very much tells the story of how non of us wakes up and says I can't wait to do uncomfortable, prune old identity - we really like our comfort and routines...So interruptions to the old routines are so important
This is exactly what I needed to read today. Thank you!
Dear Tracy: I can't tell you how happy it makes me to read that this is exactly what you need! I do hope you give it a try and share your experiences with me! Cheering you on, M!
I feel both called out and empowered—the best combination to catalyze action! 🙌
This is so fantastic! Love your honesty and self-awareness! Cheering you on, M!
Awww “ your brain is avoiding the emotional energy required to meet yourself,”
That is paraphrase, but that is what landed with me most in the idea that the key no longer fits.
Excellent post which also reminds me of how when we say we don’t have time for something what we might be saying is it’s no longer a priority or it is not a priority at this moment and then all the forgetting of the goodness of that space gets buried.
Great post as I’m at the ER right now with my daughter and of course I have time for this so why not for my writing?
💓
Dear Prajna: I do hope you and your daughter is doing well and that the ER visit wasn't connected to anything major (please let me know! - having gone through similar experiences with my son I do know how challenging these situations are!) I do love your reframe and noticing that the things we say no to - no longer fit who we are or who we are becoming. Spot on! Sending you lots of well wishes, M!
Thank you Magdalena, I really appreciate your support.
It’s been a full day and I hope I can carve out some time tomorrow to write about it.
It seems like this has to be the theme of my essay and how overtime I’ve come to a place of responding to emergencies differently.
Sending you a big hug of appreciation
You very welcome! And it does sound like a great topic for an essay! Sending you hugs back! Cheering you on in your writing journey!
"Your brain would rather keep you predictably unhappy than unpredictably transformed."
100%! I love these conversations about time.
The fear of where the writing might lead or what it might prompt someone to face can be too much. And "time" is the easiest thing to blame.
Dear Jacqueline: excellent point - I did not even think about the concept of "time" being the easiest to blame! spot on! versus looking at the fear that shows up and not wanting to face it! No one wakes up and say: " I can't wait to be uncomfortable and in fear today! "
This is great Magdalena.
So simple and yet so «difficult», when we have programmed ourselves consciously or unconsciously, for safety and what is already known to us. The unknown makes us uncomfortable and wants us the go back to what is perceived as a safe and comfy.
What immediately pops up in my mind is Earl Nightingale’s «The Strangest Secret» and I quote « We become what we think about».
Our environment, that we ar exposed to every single day, contributes to our habits and the «willingness» step out of a known pattern and step into a new, unknown one that will benefit you, not making you get stuck.
Dear Roy: I love what you wrote: " The unknown makes us uncomfortable and wants us the go back to what is perceived as a safe and comfy.' so very true!!! I always say when I run workshops that no one wakes up and says to themselves: I can't wait to be uncomfortable today (well maybe there are few..lol) but you are spot on that environment and habits take over - so it's up to us to CREATE time, new habits, new environments and prune the old ones!